So I am 25. And yes I have been for a few months now. And trust me, it hasn’t taken me all those four long months to figure that out. And yes, there are a shit ton of blogs out there that tell you that being 25 and being immature and not figuring life out is ok. But still sometime it scares the shit out of me.
I remember when I would think about myself when I was 25, I would have it all sorted out. You know those lists you make when you’re a teenager that have all the things you will achieve? Well yeah I guess I have done a lot. I haven’t ticked them all off but, I have a dam good job, I have a degree and I have a great group of friends. But still when all my friends around me are growing up and getting married and having babies and settling down, I sit back and think, what the fuck am I doing?
SO all this dawned on me just then, well actually that’s a big fat lie, its been dawning on me for a really long time. But I was sitting outside, sipping on a glass of red wine and enjoying this cool summer evening. I felt like a proper grown up – drinking solo, who does that? Drinking for appreciation and enjoyment, who does that? Well lots of people (probably).
I am house sitting at the moment too so I have this beautiful house all to myself with all the adult stuff in it and all the grown up vibes and as I sipped that glass of red I was like ‘wow, I’m a grown up.’ I have responsibilities, I have stuff I need to do, I have a job to go to, I have a car to drive, I have a cat to feed (temporarily) and yeah I have all that goes with being in my mid 20s.
But still I am looking forward to getting ridiculously drunk on the weekend and dancing like a loose unit, I am thinking about the possibility of maybe meeting someone on the dancefloor and doing the good old fashioned pash and dash. I am thinking about what alcohol might get me the drunkest the quickest for the cheapest (haha I’m not as bad as I sound) and I am not thinking about adult things.
Maybe it all happened after my scary crazy dream, and this isn’t the first of dreams of these themes. I have been dreaming quite frequently that I am going to have/have a baby. Or two. Or three. Yes, last night I dreamt I had three babies, and I was not ready. In all my dreams I have babies and I am not ready. Like I am freaking out and I can’t even figure out how to breastfeed. What does this mean? I must be clucky but CLEARLY I am not ready. The dream also featured dirt bike riding, a stolen yellow Kawasaki motor bike, a dirty farm dance floor, lots of tears and a woman trying to steal my baby. What the fuck mind?
So recently I have been hanging out with pregnant bellies and little babies and it makes me feel a little jealous and anxious and scared all rolled into one. Is this what I am meant to be doing now that I am 25? And to all my beautiful friends that are doing this – I love what your doing, I wish I was in the same place as you, our babies would probably grow up together and fall in love one day and it would be so dam special. I think you are all amazing.
So sorry society if I am doing it all wrong but I don’t think I’m ready. So I’m going to keep sipping on my red wine provided by the real adults who I am house sitting for and then I am going to do some stalking on facebook, I am going to make my dinner of cheese on toast, send a snapchat about it all, and I am going to be young whilst I can.
Rant end.
I love the way you sum things up there! I used to have the same kind of dreams a lot more frequently a few years ago. They seem to be quite common in the early-mid twenties range when the biological clock starts making some noise.
ReplyDeleteIn mine though, and I ALWAYS remember my dreams, I would be pregnant, deliver the baby or babies and then forget about them. Leave them somewhere, forget to feed and starve them, some one would kidnap them. Not exactly reassuring.
Those dream meaning translation type sites seem to break it down into "new beginnings", "anxiety" "not nurturing your own needs enough". Not sure I buy it.
The thing that seemed to ease the baby dreams for me though was realizing that I'm in my LATE twenties (ugh) and I'm married and he loves children and we completely legitimately could have a baby. No one would disapprove, we wouldn't be bad parents. It would be completely normal and I'm completely capable but we choose not to right now. Not because we wouldn't be good at it or aren't ready, just because there is more we want to do first. Having that realization for me eased the internal baby pressure anxiety a bit.
I am sure you would and will be a great mother, when you want to be. So cheers to knowing yourself well enough to work that work!
Thanks Melody! People need to do some serious research into baby dreams.
DeleteI also had one not too long ago - I had just had a little boy, he was new born but about the size of a toddler. I put him in a pram and then decided to go shopping. I forgot about the baby and began to fill the pram with books and tin cans and all sorts of heavy things as though it was a shopping trolley... Consequently squashing the baby. Sick mind eh?! Actually the baby was OK but it just proved how hopeless I am even in dream land!
At least you have some things figured out - your married, heck you have a man! And I think that in today's society its OK to wait. It's just when everyone else around you appears to be doing it all 'right' that you think - am I doing something wrong?
I also believe we all have to be a little selfish - you can't love others until you love yourself is what they say. So I believe you can't make others happy until you yourself are.
So lets do it! Seize the day! Take on the world! Babies when WE are ready!